WTF, Small hint to the executives. The employees want their offices back too.
It is hard to overstate how much I hate open office plans.
I have hated them for my entire life, yet they are everywhere
and still spreading like a cancer throughout the slave labor camps we all call
Like a never ending slow nightmare that drives you just a little more psychotic with every second. As the day dredges on, you and the other depressed hamsters are just a hair away from shooting up the place and burning it to the ground to earn the privilege of a private office with bars and sucky room service for the next 10 to life.
At my current client, they have taken it just a step further.
Tightened the noose just enough to ensure that even illegal levels of Prozac cannot dull the brain enough that you cant feel the bad body odor from the man next to me, or the whining voice of the lady across from me on her endless private phone calls. I dont care if Phillip died or you are getting divorced. for the love of God shut up. Or the guy on the other side of me who really enjoys swinging his leg, fast, right into the leg of the table. Boom Boom Boom.
Moving it just enough that distracts me away from the incredibly dull spreadsheets I am being supposedly paid to give a fuck about. And he is quite a trooper, he can go all day, boom boom, boom, and probably all night but I hope I never find out.
Not to mention the never-ending foot traffic Its like a minihighway going on behind my back. Everyone taking a good look at my monitor as they stampede along. Here I am trying to get gilded again on Reddit but it is impossible to keep my narrative going in the erotic vacuum cleaner sub when I have to flip the browser behind Excel for the 600th time that day. Fuck!!!
So what did they do to create yet another level of misery to the
That shit makes me just so much more productive. The intensely sadistic part is that there are not enough desks. A daily ritual of penance a game of musical chairs in a Darwinian competition for corporate survival
This is by design to increase social interaction and improve moral. Ha! Masturbating with sandpaper for an hour a day would make me happier than being a mouse in the maze trying to find an empty slot for my ass and a power outlet for my laptop.
In busy periods the only option is white collar prostitution trying to rub someone just the right way that they feel inclined to allow your
little laptop to be graced by their plug. Can I get you some coffee masa? Do you want me to go pick up some sushi for lunch? Can I help you write up the company weekly morale booster “Tales from the office”? Can I pick up your dry cleaning again?
They have provided alternative solutions if you didn’t arriveearly enough, show enough company moral to get up at the break of dawn, to get one of the coveted desk space? Well there is a community table where eager beavers can try to squeeze into. Oh, lift your ass? Well you lost your seat sucker.
More than one person is wearing a stadium pal to avoid having tomove into the bar of doom. The ultimate downfall is to work on a narrow bench, with stools that are not made to be sat on as much as you can sort of lean a little on them. The bench itself is so narrow that